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Friday, January 26, 2018

by Thomas Martin

It was a great day.  I felt wonderful and I was extremely productive.  On top of that, all of the elements of my latest book were coming together.  I received the cover art from the graphic artist and it was far beyond my expectations.  I was thrilled.  Now I just needed to get the art, the manuscript and the payment to the publisher.

About 10:00pm I decided I needed to go to bed.  I was not particularly sleepy and something inside of my chest told me something was very wrong.  I lay down but was unable to sleep.  I tossed and turned for about one hour.  At 11:00pm, it felt as if my heart was taking one last desperate beat.  That beat was so hard that it caused me to sit up quickly and yelp.  I tried to lie back down, but I knew something was very wrong.  My dog, Jasmine, became very agitated, started whimpering, and was restless.  

I have been battling heart failure for over 10 years now.  Emergency trips to the hospital are not new to me, but this event was clearly unique.  

Generally when I know I need to go to the hospital, I argue with myself about the necessity.  Not this night.  I truly believed I was dying.  I called my friends to pick up Jasmine and to help me get a few things together.  I then called 911 and asked for an ambulance.  

I moved from the bedroom into the living area and sat down.  The EMTs arrived shortly and began taking my vitals.  I told the lead EMT that I needed to be taken to UT Southwest (a 30 minute drive from my apartment).  The EMT taking my vitals looked at the lead and shook his head.  “I don’t think you can handle so long a drive.  Things don’t look good.” 

“I understand your concerns, but no hospital in the area can handle my case.  They will simply look me over and transfer me to UTSW anyway.  If it is at all possible, please take me there now.”  
The lead EMT relented and off we went to Dallas.  

The first 20 minutes of the trip were uneventful.  Then suddenly the EMT in the back with me became very concerned, walking around me, adding a fluid to my IV line and then finally, elevating my legs.  I knew that elevating my legs meant that my blood pressure was dropping.  

He then looked at me and said, “We are almost at the hospital.  Just hold on.”  

So, I was not the only one concerned that I might be in trouble.  

Arriving at UTSW, I was rushed into a room in the ER.  After about 5 people hooked me up to various lines and devices, I was left alone with my nurse.  

As she was finishing up a few things, she heard me quietly talking.  She asked,
“Who are you talking to?”  

“To my grandmother.” 
“Do you often talk to her when you are upset?”
“No, she is here in the room with me.”

The nurse was visibly upset, she finished what she was doing and left me alone.  At that time, my grandmother moved closer to me.  I could feel her, I could feel the most intense white light of love, it is impossible to describe but was so beautiful that I began to cry.   Right at the moment my nurse returned to the room.  She rushed to my side and said, “Don’t be afraid.  You are in one of the best hospitals in Dallas.  We will take good care of you.” 

“I am not afraid.  The love from my grandmother is so beautiful that it is making me cry.”   

My nurse paused and said, “I am moving you into another room.  I need to keep constant watch on you.”
I was moved, and once in the new room, the most amazing thing happened as I lay in bed.  Every sensory receptor in my body was telling me that I was being lifted out of the bed and cradled; rocked back and forth like an infant.  I finally opened my eyes to see if I was levitating above the bed.  I was not, but that did not change the sensation.  This happened five or six times.  

I was convinced then that I would die.  Next to my mother, there was no one I loved in my life more than my grandmother.  I also know she visited my aunt and my mother before they died.  Her presence is so calming and non-threatening, she is the perfect angel to console me.  
 
Well, I didn’t die that night.  I was admitted to the hospital for observation and treatment.

The next night, Saturday, as I was trying to fall asleep, my grandmother returned.  This time, I was a bit testy.  “So, are you actually taking me tonight or is this just another dry run?”  There was a pause and suddenly I could sense that there were many more people with my grandmother although I don’t know who they were.  But, a distinctly male voice clearly said, “Well, do you want to come with us or to you want to stick around and see what happens next?”

I was stunned.  I never imagined that when the time came that I would be given a choice. 
Although the words were different, there was something in their delivery that reminded me of the line Shoeless Joe says to Ray at the end of Field of Dreams, when Ray wanted to go out with the players into the corn, “I think you’d better stay here, Ray.”  

Given that I was about to launch a new book, one I felt has a lot of potential, I replied, “I guess I would like to stick around.”   Immediately the room was clear and I was alone.  

I was not visited again.

 Copyright © 2020, Thomas Martin, All Rights Reserved

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